This is not an upbeat, encouraging page of how great I am managing my diabetes. I think I've gotten to the place in my life where I am either too tired, too lazy, or too cynical to put on the brave face, or the happy face, or the "what are you talking about, I have no problems?" face.
I think so often we try so hard to be good that we forget to show other people our faults. We sit in a group of people who all have on their 'good face' and we think we must be so weird, so jacked up, to be struggling, because everyone else has it so together. And everyone else is sitting, thinking the very same thing.
But, I would never know it because we're all trying so hard. So I've resolved not to try so hard. I've accepted that I suck at diabetes and that's okay. It is a disease and IT SUCKS!! It complicates everything.
And yes, it has added so much to my life and we can control it and it probably won't be the thing to kill us and I'm sure I'll get to all that good stuff too, but certainly not to the exclusion of its suckiness (and, believe me, there is a ton of suckiness.)
But, I've always said I want to have a good life. Not an easy life, but a good one. It's the pain and hardship that deepen and enrich our ability to experience the love and joy more thoroughly. I guess that includes diabetes.
So, look, if it's real and I see it, it's here. (But, I'm not beyond fictionalizing when it seems necessary)